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I Gave Up Pretending

I Gave Up Pretending

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I’m getting bored
I feel stuck in the puddle,
Like a paralyzed person.
My legs are heavy.
My body is shivering.
My shoulders are bent.
My eyes are dim,
And my heart is more restless than ever.
I think I can no longer
Continue to pretend.

Pretending that
I’m not getting tired,
And I’m not getting bored,
Being abandoned yet not being down.
Pretending to be glad
And not to be depressed.
Pretending to be strong
And not to be broken.

Is it possible?
To be waiting but not getting tired?
To be away from mother, from loved ones
but not to be missing them?
Is it possible to be in prison and not be depressed?
Is it possible to be insulted and humiliated and heard with impunity
But not to be weakened and
strong?
Is it possible to be displaced
And yet not to be sorrowful?

It doesn’t work anymore!
If it did before, but now it doesn’t.
I gave up
Til the armor of power
that has remained in me
Let me shout loud, hey people!
I am lost in the darkness,
Bring me a light.
I’m the most thirsty wanderer in this valley,
Bring me some water.
I’m the most wounded man on this earth,
Bring me some ointment.
I’m a heartbroken traveler, open your arms
And kindly embrace me
I’m tired
I am broken
I am down
I gave up
I need your compassion, caress me.

 

Asadullah Amiry is the winner of this week’s writing competition. Enter the competition here: thearchipelago.org/weekly-writing

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